I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
