Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
