So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
