he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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