Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
