I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
