so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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