I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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