my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
