you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
