I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
