Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His hands were made for my vagina.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That accounts for only three of the penises
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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