So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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