ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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