so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
