Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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