I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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