i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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