she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
