You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
