So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
