She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
