Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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