yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
