your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
