Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
