If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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