I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
