you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
