im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
