he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
