is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
