if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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