We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
