whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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