Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
