Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
