this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
