By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
