I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
