need another drink. this is the easiest way
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
