he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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