If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
