can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
look no pants
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
