I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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