I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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