ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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