im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
