um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
