My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
